諾貝爾文學經典:《寵兒》第1章Part 11

"I can't no more. I can't no more.""Can't what? What can't you?""I can't live here. I don't know where to go or what to do, but I can't live here. Nobody speaks tous. Nobody comes by. Boys don't like me. Girls don't either.""Honey, honey.""What's she talking 'bout nobody speaks to you?" asked Paul D. "It's the house. People don't — ""It's not! It's not the house. It's us! And it's you!""Denver!""Leave off, Sethe. It's hard for a young girl living in a haunted house. That can't be easy.""It's easier than some other things.""Think, Sethe. I'm a grown man with nothing new left to see or do and I'm telling you it ain't e you all ought to move. Who owns this house?"
Over Denver's shoulder Sethe shot Paul D a look of snow. "What you care?""They won't let you leave?""No.""Sethe.""No moving. No leaving. It's all right the way it is.""You going to tell me it's all right with this child half out of her mind?"Something in the house braced, and in the listening quiet that followed Sethe spoke.
"I got a tree on my back and a haint in my house, and nothing in between but the daughter I amholding in my arms. No more running — from nothing. I will never run from another thing on thisearth. I took one journey and I paid for the ticket, but let me tell you something, Paul D Garner: itcost too much! Do you hear me? It cost too much. Now sit down and eat with us or leave us be."Paul D fished in his vest for a little pouch of tobacco — concentrating on its contents and the knotof its string while Sethe led Denver into the keeping room that opened off the large room he wassitting in. He had no smoking papers, so he fiddled with the pouch and listened through the opendoor to Sethe quieting her daughter. When she came back she avoided his look and went straight toa small table next to the stove. Her back was to him and he could see all the hair he wanted withoutthe distraction of her face.
"What tree on your back?""Huh." Sethe put a bowl on the table and reached under it for flour.
"What tree on your back? Is something growing on your back?I don't see nothing growing on your back.""It's there all the same.""Who told you that?""Whitegirl. That's what she called it. I've never seen it and never will. But that's what she said itlooked like. A chokecherry tree. Trunk, branches, and even leaves. Tiny little chokecherry leaves.
But that was eighteen years ago. Could have cherries too now for all I know."Sethe took a little spit from the tip of her tongue with her forefinger. Quickly, lightly she touchedthe stove. Then she trailed her fingers through the flour, parting, separating small hills and ridgesof it, looking for mites. Finding none, she poured soda and salt into the crease of her folded handand tossed both into the flour. Then she reached into a can and scooped half a handful of lard.

"我再不能了，我再不能了。""不能幹嗎？你不能幹嗎？""我不能住在這兒了。我也不知道去哪兒、幹什麼，可我不能在這兒住了。沒有人跟我們說話。沒有人來。男孩子不喜歡我。女孩子也不喜歡我。""親愛的，親愛的。""她說沒人跟你們說話是什麼意思？"保羅·D問道。"是這座房子。人家不——"不是!不是這房子!是我們!是你!""丹芙!""得了，塞絲。一個小姑娘，住在鬧鬼的房子裏，不易。不易。""比有些事還容易呢。""想想看，塞絲。我是個大老爺們，什麼事沒見過沒做過，可我跟你說這不易。也許你們都該搬走。這房子是誰的？"
塞絲目光越過丹芙的肩頭，冷冷地看了保羅·D一眼。"你操哪門子心？""他們不讓你走？"不是。""塞絲。""不搬。不走。這樣挺好。""你是想說這孩子半瘋不傻的沒關係，是嗎？"屋子裏的什麼東西繃緊了，在隨後的等待的寂靜中，塞絲說話了。
"我後背上有棵樹，家裏有個鬼，除了懷裏抱着的女兒我什麼都沒有了。不再逃了——從哪兒都不逃了。我再也不從這個世界上的任何地方逃走了。我逃跑過一回，我買了票，可我告訴你，保羅·D.加納：它太昂貴了!你聽見了嗎？它太昂貴了。現在請你坐下來和我們吃飯，要不就走開。" 保羅·D從馬甲裏掏出一個小煙口袋——專心致志地研究起裏面的菸絲和袋口的繩結來；同時，塞絲領着丹芙進了從他坐着的大屋開出的起居室。他沒有捲菸紙，就一邊撥弄煙口袋玩，一邊聽敞開的門那邊塞絲安撫她的女兒。回來的時候，她迴避着他的注視，徑直走到爐邊的小案子旁。她背對着他，於是他不用注意她臉上的心煩意亂，就能盡意欣賞她的全部頭髮。
"你後背上的什麼樹？""哦。"塞絲把一隻碗放在案子上，到案子下面抓麪粉。
"你後背上的什麼樹？有什麼長在你的後背上嗎？我沒看見什麼長在你背上。""還不是一樣。""誰告訴你的？""那個白人姑娘。她就是這麼說的。我從沒見過，也永遠不會見到了。可她說就是那個樣子。一棵苦櫻桃樹。樹幹，樹枝，還有樹葉呢。小小的苦櫻桃樹葉。
可那是十八年前的事了。我估計現在連櫻桃都結下了。"塞絲用食指從舌尖蘸了點唾沫，很快地輕輕碰了一下爐子。然後她用十指在麪粉裏劃道兒，把麪粉扒拉開，分成一小堆一小堆的，找小蟲子。她什麼都沒找到，就往蜷起的手掌溝裏撒蘇打粉和鹽，再都倒進麪粉。她又找到一個罐頭盒，舀出半手心豬油。