炫婚炫富炫寶寶,如何告知朋友別再曬幸福

Dear Annie: This is kind of a weird question, but how do you tell an office friend that she's damaging her professional image by going on and on about her personal life? I work with someone who is bright, talented, and capable, but other people here -- including our boss -- are starting to roll their eyes (and leave the room, if possible) every time she opens her mouth, because she shares so much about her home life, her kids, what she did over the weekend, etc. Last week she came back from vacation and she hasn't topped talking about her family's road trip, complete with about 900 pictures.
親愛的安妮：我問的問題有點奇怪。我在辦公室有個朋友總是沒完沒了地聊自己的私生活，她這樣做是在毀壞自己的專業形象，我怎麼提醒她纔好呢？我這個同事聰明能幹，也有才能，但是每次她一開口，辦公室裏的人都會翻白眼（如有可能，還會當場離開），連老闆也不例外。因爲她話太多了，總是喋喋不休地講家裏的生活、孩子的情況、週末做了什麼等等。上週，她休假回來以後，嘴巴就沒停過，嘰裏呱啦地跟我們講她一家人的公路旅行，還帶了900多張照片。

We work for a manager who says very little about his life outside the office (although he does have the usual framed family photos on his desk and kids' crayon drawings on his walls, but that's about it), so my other colleagues and I follow his lead, the sole exception being this one teammate. I'd like to tell her this oversharing is a habit that could wreck her career here (if it hasn't already), but I don't want to hurt her feelings, since I do have to work beside her every day. What do you suggest? --TMI in Texas
我們的上司是個經理，他很少談自己的私生活（誠然，他的確在桌上擺了普通尺寸的全家福，也在牆上貼了孩子的蠟筆畫，但他對私生活的分享也僅限於此），所以我和其他同事都以他爲表率，只有這個同事例外。我想提醒她，過度分享的習慣可能會葬送她在這裏的事業（如果說她的事業還沒有被葬送的話），但是我不想傷害她的感情，畢竟我還得天天和她在一起工作。你有什麼建議嗎？——得州話嘮

Dear T.M.I.T.:This is a sticky one, because talking a bit about one's personal life now and then "can be really helpful in building solidarity on a team. It helps people discover things they have in common," notes Michael Crom, an executive vice president at Dale Carnegie Training, who adds that his firm's consultants often run across people like your coworker. "But too much talk about extracurriculars is hazardous. It makes you seem unprofessional, or just not focused on the work. There are only so many baby pictures your colleagues want to see."
親愛的得州話嘮：這是個棘手的問題，因爲企管訓練品牌卡內基訓練（Dale Carnegie Training）的執行副總裁邁克爾?克羅姆說過，偶爾談一點私生活“確實有助於增強團隊凝聚力，人們可以通過這種方式找到共同點。”他還說，他經常在公司裏碰到像你同事這種類型的諮詢師。“但是過多地談論自己的私生活很危險。這樣做可能會讓你顯得不專業，要麼純粹是心思不在工作上。給同事看嬰兒照片這種事情，點到爲止就好了。”

Crom speculates that a rise in TMI at work can probably be traced back to Facebook (FB) and other social media. "There's a level of openness now that just didn't exist five or 10 years ago," he says. "It's partly generational. Young people coming into the workforce are used to putting things out there in public that used to be considered private, and they may not realize that too much of that just isn't appropriate in most businesses."
克羅姆認爲，職場話嘮或許是因爲Facebook等社交媒體的出現。“現在人們的開放程度是五到十年前不能比的，”他說。“代際差異是其中的一部分原因。初入職場的年輕人習慣了秀生活，以前的人認爲是隱私的東西在他們眼裏都可以公開，他們可能沒有意識到，過度秀生活的行爲在大多數企業都不得體。”

At the same time, Crom's company has done extensive research showing that employees are more engaged, and more likely to stick around, if their bosses take some interest in their personal lives and reveal a bit about their own. "People want a closer relationship with coworkers and especially with bosses," he says. "We've found that a warm personal rapport is crucial to retaining top employees."
與此同時，克羅姆的公司開展了廣泛的研究，結果表明，如果老闆適度關心員工的私生活，同時適度分享自己的私生活，員工的幹勁會更大，對公司的忠誠度也會更高。“人人都想和同事、尤其是老闆建立更密切的關係，”他說。“我們發現，要想留住精英員工，關鍵是要和他們保持融洽的私人關係。”

Barbara Pachter agrees. A communications consultant who has counseled executives at Pfizer (PFE), Merck (MRK), Microsoft (MSFT), and other big companies, she's also the author (with Denise Cowie) of a new book called The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success. "You do have to share a little," Pachter says. "Being too distant can be just as offputting as sharing too much." One manager she coached "came in on a Monday morning with a wedding ring on. He had never mentioned to anyone that he was getting married," Pachter recalls. "His team was furious. They froze him out."
芭芭拉?帕切特同意這個觀點。帕切特曾爲輝瑞（Pfizer）、默克（Merck）、微軟（Microsoft）等大企業的高管擔任通信顧問，她還與丹尼斯?考伊合著了一本新書，名爲《商業禮儀要點》（The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success）。“分享一點私生活的確是必需的，”帕切特說。“過度疏遠可能會和過度分享一樣令人生厭。”她指導過的一名經理“在某個星期一的早晨走進辦公室，手上戴着婚戒。但是他從來沒有跟人提過自己結婚的事，”帕切特回憶道，“他的團隊一片譁然，後來通過冷戰把他排擠走了。”So how do you know how much personal chat is enough? Finding that fine line requires sensitivity to the prevailing culture where you work. It sounds as if you and your colleagues, except for Chatty Cathy, have figured this out. If nobody else is going on at length about their kids or trying to show everyone their vacation snapshots, it's obviously wise to refrain.
那麼，怎麼才能知道分享私生活的限度在哪裏呢？這需要你對工作場所的主流文化保持敏感。從你說的情況看，除了那個話嘮同事以外，辦公室裏的其他人都對這一點心知肚明。如果大家都沒有長篇大論地聊自己的孩子，或者到處展示自己的度假快照，那麼你不這樣做顯然是明智之舉。

Beyond that, Pachter has two rules: First, she says, "If you have strong political beliefs, they're best kept to yourself. Politics can change someone's whole opinion of you, often for the worse -- and, considering it's extraneous to the job you're doing, is it worth it?"
除此之外，帕切特還有兩條法則。她說，第一條是，“如果你有堅定的政治信仰，最好別讓人知道。要不然，別人對你的看法可能會完全改變，而且往往是向不好的方向轉變——再說了，政治信仰與你的工作毫無關係，爲這種事情影響你的前途，值得嗎？”

And second, she says, "Never, ever share anything that could be used against you later. Especially, don't talk about any situation where you may have acted less than ethically." In her consulting work, Pachter is frequently amazed at some of the things people brag to coworkers about. "There are people who actually believe it makes them look clever if they reveal that, for instance, a store clerk gave them too much change and they took it without saying anything," she says. "Often, people just don't realize how they're coming across to colleagues -- and some people just talk too much, period."
帕切特的第二條法則是，“切記，永遠不要給人留下把柄。不光彩的事情尤其說不得。”在擔任顧問期間，帕切特總是驚訝地發現，一些匪夷所思的事情也會有人拿來跟同事吹噓。“事實上還有人覺得，這種事情說出去會顯得自己很高明——比方說店員找多了的零錢，自己一聲不響地收下，”她說。“人們往往根本就沒有意識到，自己說出去的話會給同事造成什麼樣的印象——有些人純粹就是話太多，就這麼回事。”

Which brings us back to your dilemma with your teammate. "You must speak up and let her know" that her behavior is making her persona non grata around the office, Pachter says: "If the situation were reversed and you were doing something that was making people roll their eyes and try to avoid you, wouldn't you want someone to warn you?"
這就回到了你所面臨的兩難選擇——究竟應不應該提醒同事。“你必須說出來，讓她知道”自己的行爲在辦公室成了衆矢之的，帕切特表示，“換做是你在辦公室裏做了什麼事情讓同事不齒，乃至避免和你打交道，你也會希望有人能提醒你吧？”

Assuming you would, "start with that. Ask this coworker if she's open to some feedback, and explain that you'd want to hear this if you were in her place. Then describe the effect that her constant personal talk is having on her credibility as a professional, and suggest she put away the vacation photos and talk less about her home life."
假設你希望是這樣。“那麼你可以先從這裏着手。問一問那個同事，看她想不想聽一些反饋，解釋一下換做是你，也希望有人能提醒自己。然後告訴她，在辦公室裏沒完沒了地聊私生活有損她的專業形象，建議她把度假照片收起來，少談一點家庭生活。”

It might help to cushion the criticism by stressing that you do, as you note, regard her as bright and capable and you'd hate to see this one quirk hold her back. "Say you're concerned about her reputation," Michael Crom advises. "You could point out that the rest of your colleagues tend to reserve most of their personal talk for lunch hours and other break times" —-- and that your boss seems to prefer that. Good luck.
你也承認自己的同事聰明能幹，可以把這一點跟她說明，告訴她，你不希望這種小習慣挫傷她的積極性。這樣做或許可以緩和你對她的批評語氣。“告訴她，你在乎她的名聲，”邁克爾?克羅姆。“還可以指出，其他同事一般都只在午飯或休息時間談論私事。”——而且你的老闆似乎也喜歡這麼做。祝你好運。

Talkback: Have you ever worked with someone who talked too much about her life outside work? Do you think the tendency toward TMI is spreading? Leave a comment below.
讀者反饋：你有沒有遇到過太愛聊個人私生活的同事？你覺得職場話嘮是不是越來越常見？歡迎留言評論。