經典科幻文學:《 基本上無害 Mostly Harmless》 第6章5
‘OK, OK,’ panted the robot. ‘The Guide has been taken over. There’s a new management. It’s all so gorgeous I could just melt. The old management was also fabulous of course, though I’m not sure if I thought so at the time.’
“好的，好的。”機器人氣喘吁吁地說起來，“《指南》被接管了。換了新的管理層。一切都那麼棒，哦，我簡直快融化了。當然老的管理層也一樣棒，雖然我不大確定自己當時是不是這麼想的。”
‘That was before you had a bit of wire stuck in your head.’
“那是在你腦子裏給插了根電線之前。”
‘How true. How wonderfully true. How wonderfully, bubblingly, frothingly, burstingly true. What a truly ecstasy-inducingly correct observation.’
“一點不假。哦，半點不假。真正半點都沒有摻假。多麼令人神魂顛倒的洞察力啊。”
‘What’s happened?’ insisted Ford. ‘Who is this new management? When did they take over? I… oh, never mind,’ he added, as the little robot started to gibber with uncontrollable joy and rub itself against his knee. ‘I’ll go and find out for myself.’ Ford hurled himself at the door of the editor-in-chief’s office, tucked himself into a tight ball as the frame splintered and gave way, rolled rapidly across the floor to where the drinks trolley laden with some of the Galaxy’s most potent and expensive beverages habitually stood, seized hold of the trolley and, using it to give himself cover, trundled it and himself across the main exposed part of the office floor to where the valuable and extremely rude statue of Leda and the Octopus stood, and took shelter behind it. Meanwhile the little security robot, entering at chest height, was suicidally delighted to draw gunfire away from Ford.
“到底發生了什麼事？”福特持之以恆，“新管理層是些什麼人？他們什麼時候接手的？我……哦算了。”他臨時改變了主意，因爲小機器人已經無法抑制自己的喜悅之情，開始一邊嘰裏呱啦一邊往他膝蓋上蹭，“我還是去看看得了。” 他衝到總編辦公室門口，緊緊地蜷成一個球往上撞；門吱嘎吱嘎地裂開，福特立馬滾進去，直滾到一輛手推車跟前——裏頭通常放滿了銀河系最夠勁最燒錢的酒精飲料；他抓住手推車爲自己製造出掩護，把自己和手推車一起推過辦公室裏最主要的開闊地，抵達那尊出奇貴重，出奇粗俗的“麗達與章魚”所在的位置，然後拿它作掩護躲起來。與此同時，剛纔的保安機器人樂呵呵地從福特胸口高度飛進門裏，不知死活地把火力從他身上吸引開。
That, at least, was the plan, and a necessary one. The current editor-in-chief, Stagyar-zil-Doggo, was a dangerously unbalanced man who took a homicidal view of contributing staff turning up in his office without pages of fresh, proofed copy, and had a battery of laser guided guns linked to special scanning devices in the door frame to deter anybody who was merely bringing extremely good reasons why they hadn’t written any. Thus was a high level of output maintained.
至少福特計劃如此，而計劃是絕對必要的。《指南》的這一任主編，斯塔格亞-茲爾-多哥，是個情緒失衡的危險人物，對於膽敢走進自己辦公室的下屬，如果他們手頭沒有新鮮出爐，校對完整的稿子，斯塔格亞絕對抱有帶謀殺性質的想法。他還裝備了一組激光定位的槍炮，跟門框上特製的掃描儀相連，掃描儀可以偵測出任何僅僅帶着各種及其充分的理由就膽敢跑來他辦公室的人，如此一來就保證了很高的出稿率。
Unfortunately the drinks trolley wasn’t there.
不幸的是，裝酒的手推車並不在那個位置上。
Ford hurled himself desperately sideways and somersaulted towards the statue of Leda and the Octopus, which also wasn’t there. He rolled and hurtled around the room in a kind of random panic, tripped, span, hit the window, which fortunately was built to withstand rocket attacks, rebounded, and fell in a bruised and winded heap behind a smart grey crushed leather sofa, which hadn’t been there before.
福特絕望地往旁邊衝，幾個跟斗翻到麗達與章魚的雕像跟前，不過它也不在。他驚恐失措地在屋裏隨機翻滾，衝刺，絆跤，暈頭轉向，撞上玻璃——幸好玻璃是防火箭的——彈回來，掉下來，最後傷痕累累，氣喘吁吁地癱倒在一張漂亮的灰色皺皮沙發背後——這沙發過去倒是從來沒見過。
After a few seconds he slowly peeked up above the top of the sofa. As well as there being no drinks trolley and no Leda and the Octopus, there had also been a startling absence of gunfire. He frowned. This was all utterly wrong.
幾秒鐘以後，他小心翼翼地從沙發頂上往外偷看，屋裏不僅缺了手推車，麗達與章魚，讓人心驚膽戰的槍聲也沒了。他皺起眉頭。真是一塌糊塗。
‘Mr. Prefect, I assume,’ said a voice.
“福特先生，我猜是。”一個聲音說。
The voice came from a smooth-faced individual behind a large ceramo-teak-bonded desk. Stagyar-zil-Doggo may well have been a hell of an individual, but no one, for a whole variety of reasons, would ever have called him smooth-faced. This was not Stagyar-zil-Doggo.
聲音來自一張陶面柚木大書桌背後，說話的是某個一臉假惺惺的傢伙。斯塔格亞這人或許真的擁有許多非凡的特質，可由於這樣那樣各式各樣的原因，絕對沒人會說他一臉假惺惺。這人不是斯塔格亞-茲爾-多哥。
‘I assume from the manner of your entrance that you do not have new material for the, er, Guide, at the moment,’ said the smooth-faced individual. He was sitting with his elbows resting on the table and holding his fingertips together in a manner which, inexplicably, has never been made a capital offence.
“根據你的出場的風格，我推測你眼下沒給，呃，《指南》，帶來什麼新材料。”那個假惺惺的傢伙說。他的胳膊肘支在書桌上，手指尖交叉在一起。也不知道爲什麼，這動作至今還沒被列爲重大刑事犯罪。
‘I’ve been busy,’ said Ford, rather weakly. He staggered to his feet, brushing himself down. Then he thought, what the hell was he saying things weakly for? He had to get on top of this situation. He had to find out who the hell this person was, and he suddenly thought of a way of doing it.
“我一直在忙。”福特很有些缺乏底氣。他晃晃悠悠地站起來，拍拍衣服。然後他想，該死，我幹嘛要底氣不足？我得掌控大局才行。我得鬧明白這傢伙他媽的到底是誰。然後，他突然想出了一個法子。
‘Who the hell are you?’ he demanded.
“你他媽到底是誰？”他問。
