英語幽默故事精粹

幽默故事是生活波濤中的救生圈。幽默故事的內在根源不是歡樂,而是悲哀;天堂裏是沒有幽默故事的。下面是本站小編整理的英語幽默故事精粹，希望對大家有幫助。

　　英語幽默故事精粹：Be Careful What You Wish For

A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.

During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.

慎重許願

一對結婚25週年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。

慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現了。她說，由於他們是已經結婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個願望。

妻子想周遊世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一聲，她的手中出現了一張票。

接下來該丈夫許願了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”

仙女拾起了魔術棒。“呯!”，他變成了90歲。

　　英語幽默故事精粹：Present for Girlfriend

At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked.

The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."

送給女友的禮物

在一家珠寶店裏，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作爲送給女友的禮物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面嗎?”珠寶商問道。

那名顧客想了一會兒，然後說道：“不--在上面刻‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們鬧崩了，我還可以再用到它。”

　　英語幽默故事精粹：Five Months Older

The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18.

But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised.

"How old are you?" he said.

"Eighteen, sir," said John.

"But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?"

"Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."

大五個月

第二次世界大戰開始了，約翰想參軍，可他只有十六歲，當時規定男孩到十八歲才能入伍。所以軍醫給他進行體檢時，他說他已經十八歲了。

可約翰的哥哥剛入伍沒幾天，而且也是這個軍醫給他做的檢查。這位醫生還記得他哥哥的姓。所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。

“你多大了?”軍醫問。

“十八，長官。”約翰說。

“可你的哥哥也是十八歲，你們是雙胞胎嗎?”

約翰臉紅了，說：“哦，不是，長官，我哥哥比我大五個月。”

　　英語幽默故事精粹：Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him.

"The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."

最好的獎賞

一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬謝他。

“最好的辦法，長官，”這名水手說，“是別聲張這事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他們會把我扔下去的。”

　　英語幽默故事精粹：Napoleon Was Ill

Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.

"He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."

"No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!"

"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."

拿破崙病了

傑克到一所大學去學歷史。第一學期結束時，歷史課教授沒讓他及格。學校讓他退學。然而，傑克的父親決定去見教授，強烈要求讓傑克繼續來年的學業。

“他是個好孩子，”傑克的父親說：“您要是讓他這次及格，我相信他明年會有很大進步，學期結束時，他一定會考好的。”

“不，不，那不可能，”教授馬上回答。“你知道嗎?上個月我問他拿破崙什麼時候死的，他都不知道。”

“先生，請再給他一次機會吧。”傑克的父親說：“你不知道，恐怕是因爲我們家沒有訂報紙。我們家的人連拿破崙病了都不知道。”