幽默小故事英語

下面是本站小編整理的幽默小故事英語，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　幽默小故事英語：可憐的男人

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一個男人坐在酒吧裏，傷心至極。

酒吧招待：“你怎麼了?跟老婆鬧矛盾了?”

男人：“我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。”

酒吧招待：“那你應該高興纔是啊!”

男人：“不，今天是這個月的最後一天。”

　　幽默小故事英語：太黑了，看不見

After supper, the parents were busy playing mah-jong with the guests. At this point the mother thought of something and said to her son who was watching TV, "Honey, go see if the kitchen light is on or not?" After a while, her son returned and said, "Ma, the kitchen is so dark that I cannot see it at all."

晚飯後，父親和母親都忙着和客人玩麻將，這時母親忽然想起點兒事來，便對正在看電視的兒子說道：“寶貝，去看看廚房裏的燈是不是還開着呢?” 過了一會兒，兒子回來說：“媽，廚房裏太黑了，我根本就看不見。”

　　幽默小故事英語：One real man

The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely(嚴格地，嚴厲地).

Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel(勸告，建議) to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.

It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted(膽小的) dunces(傻瓜) why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.

Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.

　　幽默小故事英語：一個真正的男子漢

古代有一個國王，他想證明他領土內的男人並非像人們傳說的那樣，受到老婆的管制。他把王國裏所有的男人都召到跟前，警告說，哪個男人膽敢不說實話，就會受到嚴厲的懲罰。

然後，他叫所有聽從妻子的命令和意見的男人都走向大廳的左側。所有的男人都站到了左側，只有一個小個子男人站到了右側。

國王說：看到我們國家裏還有一個真正的男子漢，真是令人高興。告訴這些膽小的笨蛋，爲什麼在他們當中只有你一個人站在大廳的右側。

陛下，那人尖聲地回答：因爲在我出門之前，我老婆告訴我不要扎堆。

　　幽默小故事英語：萬能的聖誕老人並非啥都知道

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

一個女孩爬到聖誕老人的膝蓋上，聖誕老人例行公事的問：“今年聖誕節你想要什麼呢?”

孩子瞪大眼睛驚訝的望着聖誕老人一分鐘都沒講話，然後喘着氣說到：“你沒收到我的電子郵件嗎?(我想要什麼都寫上面了，萬能的聖誕老人咋能不知道捏)”

　　幽默小故事英語：Psychiatrist 精神病醫生

Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!

傑瑞去看精神病醫生。“醫生，我有些不對勁。每次睡覺的時候，我都感覺有人在牀下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時間，”醫生說，“每週來三次，我會治好你。”“費用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會認真考慮的。”傑瑞答道。六個月後醫生和傑瑞在街上相遇了，“爲什麼你再也沒來呢?”醫生問。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個酒吧服務生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎麼做到的?”“他讓我把牀腿鋸掉。現在那沒人了!”

　　幽默小故事英語：兄弟倆的對話 Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

父親在哪兒?

兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。

“看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

“是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：“很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。”

　　幽默小故事英語：汽車配件 Automobile Fittings

A lorry driver makes inquiry of a mountaineer, "Excuse me, where can I buy the auto accessories(附件) in the neighborhood?"

Mountaineer says, "Some people usually drive heroic car on the road. There is a abrupt turn(急轉彎) ahead not far from here, and a clough(深谷) just below it, where you can find all kinds of the auto accessories. You will spend no money at all."

一個卡車司機向一山民打聽：“請問，這附近哪兒能買到汽車配件?”

山民說：“這條路上經常有人開英雄車，前面不遠處是個急轉彎，急轉彎的下面就是深谷，那深谷裏什麼樣的汽車配件都有——根本用不着花錢。”

　　幽默小故事英語：拍賣會上 At Auction Fair

At auction spot, someone has lost a bag, in which has the vital document.

The owner says, "Once who picked it up brings it to me, I will take out 200 dollars to remunerate reward him or her."

On hearing the news, another chap(小夥子，傢伙) shouts out:" I reward 300 dollars."

拍賣會上，有人的包丟了，裏面裝有重要文件。物主說：“有誰揀到送還，我將拿出200美元以表酬謝。”

話剛出口，就聽有人喊：“我出300美元。”

　　幽默小故事英語：The Doctor Knows Better

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一個男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進了醫院。他的妻子站在他的牀前對醫生說：“我想他傷得很厲害。”

醫生說：“恐怕他已經死了。”

聽到醫生的話，這個男人轉動着頭說：“我沒死，我還活着。”

妻子說：“安靜，醫生比你懂得多。”

　　幽默小故事英語：I Don't Need to Steal Any More

The owner of a large department store went over hisbooks and discovered that his most trusted employee had stolenover a million dollars from the firm.“I want no scandal，” saidthe owner.“I'll just fire you.” The employee replied，“True，I robbed your firm of quitea tidy sum. I now have yachts， a country mansion， jewelry，and every luxury you can think of. I don't need a thing， sowhy hire somebody else and have him start from scratch?”

一家大百貨店的老闆在查帳中發現，他最信任的僱員從公司偷走了一百多萬美元。“我不要醜聞。”老闆說。“我只要開除你。”那個僱員回答說：“不錯，我是偷了你公司相當一大筆錢。現在我有遊艇、一座鄉村別墅、珠寶，以及你能想到的一切 奢侈品。我什麼都不需要了，你爲什麼要再僱個人來，讓他從頭做起呢?”