9個特徵讓你成爲真正自信的人
First things first: Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.
首先要澄清的是：自信不是虛張聲勢，不是吹牛，也不是明顯僞裝勇敢。自信不是針對他人某種大膽、傲慢的自我肯定。
Confidence is quiet: It’s a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.
自信是寂靜的：它是一種對能力、專業知識和自我認同的自然表達。
I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot, others are fellow founders of their own startups some of whom I've met through my angel investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries and professions.
我很幸運地認識一些真正自信的人。很多和我一起在HubSpot工作。其它人是自主創業人士。我在天使投資活動中認識了他們。但是大部分是我在職業中認識的人，從事各種各樣的行業。
It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities:
令人驚訝的是，他們都有這這樣一些特質。
1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong
1. 不是因爲認爲自己永遠正確他們才表明立場，而是因爲他們不害怕犯錯。
Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it too.
自大逞能的人習慣先選擇立場，然後宣告、誇口，完全忽視其他不同的觀點。他們覺得自己是正確的——而且他們想要（實際上是他們需要）讓你也知道這一點。
Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.
他們的行爲不是自信的象徵。而是智力上霸凌的象徵。
Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.
真正自信的人不在意被人指出錯誤。他們覺得找出什麼纔是正確的比保持正確更重要。當他們犯錯的時候，他們一定會做出讓步。
Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.
真正自信的人總會承認他們錯了，或者是他們也不知道。知識惡霸從不會這樣做。
2. They listen ten times more than they speak.
2. 他們聽比說得多。
Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.
誇誇其談是爲了掩飾沒有安全感。真正自信的人是安靜、謙遜的。他們已經瞭解了自己的想法；他們想要知道的是你的想法。
So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.
所以他們會問一些開放式的問題，讓其他人能夠表現出他們的想法和反思。他們會問你做了什麼，你是怎麼做到的，你喜歡這件事哪一點，你從中學到了什麼……要是他們處在相同情況下應該怎麼做。
Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.
真正自信的人明白他們知道很多，但是他們希望能夠知道更多……而且他們知道唯一能夠學習更多的方式就是多傾聽。
3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.
3. 他們避免站在聚光燈下，把機會讓給其他人。
Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high performance team.
也許他們確實做了大部分工作。也許他們確實克服了絕大多數障礙。也是他們確實讓一羣不相干的個體變成了一個表現好得令人難以置信的團隊。
Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.
但真正自信的人不會在意——至少他們不會表現出來。（在心裏他們很驕傲，他們也應該驕傲。）真正自信的人不需要榮譽；他們知道他們已經做到了。
They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.
他們不需要他人的認可。因爲真正的認可來自內心。
So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.
所以，他們退後，通過別人慶祝自己的成就。他們對後，讓別人發光——這是一種幫助別人同樣變得自信的自信心。
4. They freely ask for help.
4. 他們也要求幫助。
Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.
很多人覺得求助是軟弱的象徵，在這一要求中暗示了知識、技能或是經驗的缺失。
Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.
自信的人會承認自己的弱點。所以他們經常向別人求助，不僅僅是因爲他們有信心承認他們需要幫助，也因爲他們知道當他們尋求幫助的時候，這對他們所求助的人意味着真正的讚美。
Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.
問出“你能幫幫我嗎？”表明對他的專業性和判斷力的極大的尊敬。不然的話你是不會問的。5. They think, “Why not me?”
5. 他們會想，“爲什麼不是我？”
Many people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen... like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be discovered.
很多人認爲他們需要等待：等待升職，等待被任用，被選擇……正如好萊塢陳舊觀念中那樣，等待被發現。
Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path – they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.
真正自信的人知道渠道對全世界開放。他們可以通過社交媒體聯繫到幾乎是任何一個人。（任何你認識的人，任何你應該認識的人。）他們知道他們可以吸引到資金，創造自己的產品，建立他們的個人關係和社交網絡，選擇自己的道路——他們可以選擇任何希望的事業。
And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.
靜悄悄的，沒有引起任何人注意，他們就着手開始做了。
6. They don't put down other people.
6. 他們不會讓其他人失望。
Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.
總的來說，喜歡八卦，喜歡說別人壞話的人這麼做事因爲他們希望這種比較能讓他們看起來好點。
The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.
真正自信的人唯一做的比較是和昨天的自己相比較——以及和他希望未來成爲的人比較。
7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…
7. 他們不怕丟臉……
Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to extremes… but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren't at your best.
穿着內衣四處跑當然是個極端情況——但是如果你真的自信，你不會在意偶爾狀態不好的情況。
(And oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you do – not less.)
（奇怪的是，如果你這麼做了，人們反而會更尊敬你。）
8. … And they own their mistakes.
8.……他們也會犯錯。
Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.
不安全感會產生造作；自信會帶來真摯和誠實。
That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of laughter – for others and for themselves.
這就是爲什麼真正自信的人會承認他們的錯誤。他們享用自己的錯誤。他們不介意把自己作爲警世的例子。他們不介意成爲被別人和自己嘲笑的對象。
When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.
當你真正自信的時候，你不會在意偶爾“看起來很糟”。你發現當你十分真誠，不炫耀，人們就不會嘲笑你。
They laugh with you.
他們會和你一起開懷大笑。
9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.
9. 他們只尋求重要的人的贊同。
You say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great.
你說你twitter上有1萬粉絲？漲一點，2萬粉絲？一個有着成百上千粉絲的社交網絡很酷。
But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life that truly matter.
但是這和贏得在你生命裏真正重要的人的信任和尊重比起來微不足道。
When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it with true confidence – because we know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind us.
當我們贏得他們的信任和尊重的時候，不管我們去哪，做了什麼，我們都擁有真正的自信——因爲我們知道真正要緊的人一直在我們身後。
