英語搞笑笑話8則

下面是本站小編整理的英語搞笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

　　英語搞笑笑話：

A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."

蒙特利爾自助餐廳的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的龍頭，結果被水燙傷了。“這太可惡了，”他抱怨道，“標着C的龍頭流出的是開水。”(顧客以爲是cold)

"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

“可是，先生，C代表Chaude-法語裏代表‘熱’。如果您居住在蒙特利爾的話就得知道這一點。”

"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."

“等等，”那位顧客咆哮一聲，“另外一個龍頭同樣標的是C。”

"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."

“當然，”經理說道：“它代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個雙語城市。”

　　英語搞笑笑話：Pig or Witch 豬還是女巫

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.

譯文1：一個男人在一條陡峭狹窄的山路上駕車，一個女人相向駕車而來。他們相遇時，那個女的從窗中伸出頭來叫到：“豬!!”那個男的立即從窗中伸出頭來回敬道：“女巫!!”他們繼續前行。這個男的在下一個路口轉彎時，撞上了路中間的一頭豬。要是這個男的能聽懂那個女人的意思就好了。

　　英語搞笑笑話：

A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "It will rain tomorrow." The next day it rained.

一個電影攝製組在沙漠深處進行拍攝。一天，一個印度老人來到導演面前對他說：“明天會下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, "There will be a storm tomorrow." The next day there was a storm.

一週以後，印度人又來了，他告訴導演說：“明天會有暴風雨。”果然，第二天有暴風雨。

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.

“這個印度人真神，”導演說。他告訴他的祕書去僱傭這個印度人來預測天氣。

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.

然而，幾次預測天氣成功之後，這個印度人連續兩週沒有露面。

Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow," said the director. "And I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

最後，導演派人把這個印度人請來了。導演對他說：“我明天必須拍攝一個很重要的場景，全都指望你了，明天天氣如何啊?”

The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "My radio is broken."

這個印度人聳了聳肩說道：“我不知道，我的收音機壞了。”

　　英語搞笑笑話：Who Should be Given the Present

A father of five came home with a toy, summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present, “Who is the most obedient, never talks back to mother and does everything he or she is told?” he inquired. There was silence and then a chorus of voices: “You play with it, Daddy!”

一個有五個孩子的父親帶着一件玩具回到家裏，把孩子們召集來問這件禮物應該給誰。“誰最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓幹什麼就幹什麼?”他問道。大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說：“爸爸，您玩兒吧。”

　　英語搞笑笑話：年長者階層

During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that Mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too!醫生按期來探視我的老母。我告訴他母親不幾天就要慶祝她98歲的生日了。醫生聽了也很高興，爲此，他彎下腰來親了她一下。然後他說不幾天他也要慶祝自己的生日，並要求她還他一個吻。醫生走後，我母親厭惡地搖搖頭。“你能想象嗎，”她說，“付了他70元，我還得親他!”

　　英語搞笑笑話：沒把頭髮全剪掉啊

Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him."Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time.""Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time.""Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time.""Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."麥爾斯有時在上班時間去理髮館理髮，但這是違反辦公室規定的：職員只能利用自己的時間理髮。一天，正當麥爾斯理髮時，經理碰巧也進來理髮，而且就坐在他旁邊。“你好，麥爾斯，”經理說。“我看到你在上班時間理髮了。”“是的，先生。正是這樣。”麥爾斯平靜地承認了。可先生，你看，頭髮是在上班時間長的。“不全都是吧，”經理立刻說，“有一些是在你自己的時間裏長的。”“對呀，先生，你說得很對。”麥爾斯禮貌地回答說，“但我並沒有把頭髮全都剪掉啊。”

　　英語搞笑笑話：誰是世界上第一個男人

A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”“George Washington,”a little boy shouted promptly.

“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.“Well,”said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”

“I don’t know what his name was,”said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”

一個老師問她的學生：“誰是世界上第一個男人”一個小男孩立刻大聲說：“喬治.華盛頓。”老師帶着寵溺的笑容問這個男生：“你如何證明喬治華盛頓是世界上第一個男人呢。”這個男孩子說：“因爲，他是第一個挑起戰爭，第一個主張和平，並且是第一個深得民心的人。”這時，有一個年齡稍大的男孩子舉起手來，老師問他，“你認爲誰是世界第一個男人?”男孩回答說：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是喬治華盛頓，因爲歷史書上說，喬治華盛頓和一個寡婦結婚了，所以在他之前，當然還有一個男的啦。”

　　英語搞笑笑話：沒想到那麼貴

A shoplifter |was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from a jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend."

一個小偷在一家珠寶店企圖偷走一隻手錶的時候被當場擒獲。“聽着，”小偷說，“我知道你們也不想惹麻煩。我把這隻表買下，然後我們就當什麼也沒發生，你看怎樣?”經理表示同意，然後列了一張售貨單。小偷看着單子說道：“這比我最初的預算稍稍高了一點，你們還有沒有便宜一點兒東西。”