經典科幻文學:《宇宙盡頭的餐館》第16章5

“Ship! Sun! Wham bang!” he cried. “I mean forget lasers and stuff, you guys are into solar flares and real sunburn! Oh, and terrible songs.”
His eyes followed the stream of liquid glugging out of the bottle on to the table. Something ought to be done about it, he thought.
“Hey, you want a drink?” he said. It began to sink into his squelching mind that something was missing from this reunion, and that the missing something was in some way connected with the fact that the fat man sitting opposite him in the platinum suit and the silvery trilby had not yet said “Hi, Ford” or “Great to see you after all this time,” or in fact anything at all. More to the point he had not yet even moved.
“Hotblack?” said Ford.
A large meaty hand landed on his shoulder from behind and pushed him aside. He slid gracelessly off his seat and peered upwards to see if he could spot the owner of this discourteous hand. The owner was not hard to spot, on account of his being something of the order of seven feet tall and not slightly built with it. In fact he was built the way one builds leather sofas, shiny, lumpy and with lots of solid stuffing. The suit into which the man’s body had been stuffed looked as if it’s only purpose in life was to demonstrate how difficult it was to get this sort of body into a suit. The face had the texture of an orange and the colour of an apple, but there the resemblance to anything sweet ended.
“Kid…” said a voice which emerged from the man’s mouth as if it had been having a really rough time down in his chest.
“Er, yeah?” said Ford conversationally. He staggered back to his feet again and was disappointed that the top of his head didn’t come further up the man’s body.
“Beat it,” said the man.
“Oh yeah?” said Ford, wondering how wise he was being, “and who are you?”
The man considered this for a moment. He wasn’t used to being asked this sort of question. Nevertheless, after a while he came up with an answer.
“I’m the guy who’s telling you to beat it,” he said, “before you get it beaten for you.”
“Now listen,” said Ford nervously – he wished his head would stop spinning, settle down and get to grips with the situation – “Now listen,” he continued, “I am one of Hotblack’s oldest friends and…”
He glanced at Hotblack Desiato, who still hadn’t moved so much as an eyelash.
“… and…” said Ford again, wondering what would be a good word to say after “and”.
The large man came up with a whole sentence to go after “and”. He said it.
“And I am Mr. Desiato’s bodyguard,” it went, “and I am responsible for his body, and I am not responsible for yours, so take it away before it gets damaged.”
“Now wait a minute,” said Ford.
“No minutes!” boomed the bodyguard, “no waiting! Mr. Desiato speaks to no one!”
“Well perhaps you’d let him say what he thinks about the matter himself,” said Ford.
“He speaks to no one!” bellowed the bodyguard.
Ford glanced anxiously at Hotblack again and was forced to admit to himself that the bodyguard seemed to have the facts on his side. There was still not the slightest sign of movement, let alone keen interest in Ford’s welfare.
“Why?” said Ford, “What’s the matter with him?”
The bodyguard told him.

“飛船！太陽！‘砰’的一聲巨響！”他叫道，“我是說，激光之類舞臺上的玩意兒算個屁！你們這些夥計用的是太陽烈焰，真正的太陽！哦，還有那些可怕的歌聲！”
他的眼睛跟隨着從瓶中汩汩地流到桌面上的液體，得乾點兒什麼來處理這件事，他想。
“嘿，你想喝點兒嗎，”他問。他那受到壓抑的思維終於開始意識到，這次老友重逢缺了點兒什麼，而缺的這點兒什麼在某種意義上與下述事實有關：這個坐在他對面、身穿鉑灰色套裝、戴着銀色帽子的胖子至今還沒有招呼一句“嗨，福特”，或者“時隔這麼久，看到你真是太高興了”——或者任何別的什麼話，更關鍵的是，他甚至連動都沒有動彈一下。
“霍特布萊克？”福特說。
一隻肥厚的大手從後面落在他的肩膀上，把他推開，他狼狽地跌出自己的座位。福特擡頭張望，想找到這隻無禮的手的主人。這個主人並不難發現……因爲他是一個是有7英尺高的龐然大物，跟那些皮沙發似的……油光鋥亮，粗笨結實，填滿了實實在在的材料。包裹着這樣一個身軀的套裝，看起來似乎它之所以存在的惟一目的，就是把這樣一個身軀塞進一套衣服裏有多麼用難。這人的臉，從質地上看像是橙子，顏色則像蘋果，跟任何甜甜的東西的相似之處也就到此爲止。
“小傢伙……”一個聲音從這人的嘴裏滾出來，彷彿在他的胸腔裏度過了一段很艱苦的時光，
“啊，什麼？”福特以想好好聊聊的人的口吻說。他搖搖晃晃地重新站穩腳跟，失望地發現自己的頭頂還沒超過這人的肩膀。
“滾！”這人說，
“噢，什麼？”福特說，很驚訝自己怎麼會如此清醒，“你是誰？”
這人想了一會兒，以前從來沒有人向他提過這樣的問題。但儘管如此，他還是沒過多久便想到了一個答案。
“我是叫你滾蛋的人，’他說，“不然就揍扁你的蛋。”
“喂，聽着，”福特緊張地說，他希望自己暈平乎的腦袋能停止旋轉，平靜下來，把握住形勢。“喂，聽着，”他繼續說，”我是霍特布萊克最老的朋友之一，而……”
他瞟了一眼霍特布萊克·迪西亞託，他仍然呆坐在那兒，連睫毛都沒有動一下。
“……而……”福特又說道，一邊在想有什麼好的詞可以接在“而”後面。
那個大塊頭倒是在“而”之後接上丁一整句話。他把它說了出來。
“而我是迪西亞託先生的保鏢，我對他的身體負有責任，對你的卻不負任何責任，所以我要把它帶走，免得它受到傷害。”
“喂，等一會兒。”福特說。
“什麼！”保鏢轟隆隆地說，“不能等！迪西亞託先生不會和任何人說話！”
“你應該讓他自己說說他是什麼打算。”福特說，
“他不會和任何人說話！”保鏢咆哮着說。
福特瞟了霍特佈菜克一眼，不得不對自己承認，這真是事實：對面仍然還是沒有一丁點兒動靜，完全沒有理會福特的強烈要求。
“爲什麼？”福特問，“他出了什麼事？”
保鏢告訴了他。