爲何我與已婚男子同牀共枕?我學到了什麼?

Why I slept with a married man, and what I learned

爲何我與已婚男子同牀共枕？我學到了什麼？

Ask any heartbroken partner from a relationship split apart due to infidelity: Affairs can be bad news. That being said, they're also hella complicated, yet often blamed on the evil "home-wrecking" woman, who surely must be out to steal someone's man and cause as much damage as possible. While indeed some women who sleep with married men end up getting feelings and wanting to have a "normal" relationship, it's not always done with cruel intentions. "The forbidden and the taboo is one of the biggest turn-ons for people. They're not trying to steal him, or take him," says Dr. Michael Aaron, a kink-friendly therapist and author of Modern Sexuality. "She's thinking that being with this guy is ideal because he's not going to want more from her because he's already is married."

如果你問任何一位由於不忠而分手的心碎之人，那麼他們肯定認爲婚外戀很糟糕。話雖這麼說，但婚外戀也很複雜，而且人們常常會責怪“破壞家庭的”小三，小三肯定是偷走別人老公、儘可能給別人帶來傷害的人。雖然的確有些女性與已婚男人發生關係後有了感情，想要和他有一段“正常的”戀情，但並非所有人都帶有這種殘忍意圖。“這些禁忌往往會使一些人感到情趣。她們並不想把他偷走或帶走，”邁克爾•安倫博士說道，她是一位反叛治療師，也是《現代的性》一書的作者。“她認爲和這樣的男人在一起很理想，因爲這個男人已經結婚了，因此不會想要從她身上得到更多。”

For other women, while they may feel uncomfortable about the man's marriage, their own intimacy issues draw them to someone unavailable. "You may have an individual who wants deeper intimacy, but for whatever attachment reasons, they may be afraid," explains Aaron. From enjoying no-strings-attached sex to simply falling for a friend and coworker, three women shared with Cosmopolitan why they slept with married men, and what it taught them about themselves.

對於其她女性來說，雖然她們會對男子的已婚事實感到不舒服，但她們本身的親密問題卻讓她們接近了他。“可能有這樣的人，她們想要關係更親密，但不管有什麼親近理由，她們都可能會害怕，”安倫解釋道。從享受無拘無束的性到簡簡單單的愛上朋友或同事，有三位女性接受了Cosmopolitan的採訪，講述了她們爲何與已婚男子同牀共枕，以及學到了什麼。

Paula, 28

寶拉，28歲

I'm a former marketing communications manager turned performer and entertainer. I met 'Mr. Married' about a year and a half ago when my friend asked me to play keyboard in his new band, and the man was the bassist.

我之前是一位營銷傳播經理，後轉行當了演員和藝人。大約一年半前，我遇見了‘已婚先生’，當時我的朋友請我去她的新樂隊做鍵盤手，而他就是貝斯手。

I was drawn to him because he was super funny, cool, stylish, sweet, generous, kind, caring, creative, and artistic, not to mention quirky and adventurous. There was obviously chemistry, but I was a little uncomfortable at first about him being married, which continued into our relationship. He assured me that his wife was cool with it and that they had a 'don't ask don't tell' relationship. I suggested we tell her multiple times, but he wouldn't have the courage. Finally, I gave up and believed him when he said she would be ok with it.

他十分吸引我，因爲他超級有趣、很酷、時髦、慷慨、善良、會照顧人、有創意、有藝術氣息、是個暖男，而且還古怪、具有冒險精神。我們之間有明顯的化學反應，但剛開始的時候，我對他的已婚事實感到不適，而之後我們在一起時，這種感覺也一直都在。他跟我保證他的妻子對此沒有意見，他和她妻子的感情模式就是“不問不說”。我跟他提過多次，把我們的感情告訴他的妻子，但是他都沒有勇氣。最後，我放棄了，選擇相信他說的妻子對此沒意見之類的話。